The banquet from hell

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It's official - McKay's baseball team is in the playoffs this year (in spite of the horrible, mean, nasty she-coach on the Braves and her accusations of cheating). We played our hearts out tonight and beat the Yankees in overtime. Our reward? We get to play several more baseball games, rather than being done for the year (isn't that just awesome?).

In celebration of such a great year, they held a banquet after the game at a local Mexican restaurant. Picture this: A small, dingy banquet room filled with at least 50 people. All 14 boys from the baseball team running literal circles around the table, high-fiving each other and screaming - bits of tortilla chips spewing from their mouths and being ground into the carpet. Parents are sitting at one table, players at another. The margarita pitchers have been flowing around the parents' table for a while now and everyone is starting to get puhRETTy cozy, if you know what I mean (that and oblivious to the fact that we were nearly destroying this restaurant, what with the shouting and smashing of tortilla chips). As the only non-drinking adult in the room, I had plenty of wits about me to notice these little things. And no benefit of alcohol in my brain to drown out the nails-on-a-chalkboard feel to the room.

So where did I end up in this little fray? Smack dab in the middle of the younger siblings (logical, given that I have two and they needed attending to) and the Angry Divorced Dads. A group of seemingly nice guys - good fathers supporting their kids - but bitterly angry at all women. I couldn't decide which conversation to be a part of - the one focused on cookies, Cinderella, and Sponge Bob Square Pants, or the one focused on how women of a "certain age" are undesirable because they come with baggage. [This said by the men who have KIDS and are DIVORCED. Um, baggage?]

Needless to say, I chose cookies and Cinderella. It was all very awkward - I am sure they knew I could hear them, but that did not slow their tirade any. The next hour spent waiting for our food felt like four. Chase was melting into a puddle of starvation and Hannah was near tears. At one point, Chase reached out and grabbed a bus boy by the arm and asked "HOW MUCH LONGER, por favor?" Can't say that I blame them - it was after eight o'clock, they had not eaten dinner, and they were wiped out.

When the food finally came, we shoved it in quickly and prepared to make our exit. Just in time for the Angry Divorced Dads to notice that, Oh! there was an adult sitting next to them. They turned on the politeness to inquire all about me, my camera, my darling children (one of whom was so charmingly upside down in his chair at that very moment). I made nice for as long as is socially acceptable (like three whole seconds), excused myself, and grabbed McKay, his trophy, Her Royal Tiredness, and Mr. Upside-Down-Square-Pants. We bolted for the door, paid our check, and ran like mad for the car.

Truly makes you appreciate those long, lonely nights where you have a quiet dinner at home, read stories together, give the children their baths, and put them straight to bed - with only yourself and the t.v. for company because your husband is already working at his new job in St. Louis.

I soooo will not be complaining about gloriously boring days like that after today.

No! Mine!

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Okay, girls (and guys) - get shopping. I just received my first order today from the brand new Mini-Mart. The photo doesn't do it justice. Marta is hand-crafting and selling these adorable quote journals - loads of blank pages awaiting your inspiration, with a different quote on each page. My son Chase tried to get his hands on mine. He snatched it off the counter and said, "Cool! Can I have this?" To which I motherly replied, "NO! MINE!" in my best grown-up, sharing-kind-of voice. I will totally be ordering a bunch more of these. Buy one today (and get one for me while you're at it!).

happy sixtieth, dad

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Dad & McKay, 2005


Today is my Dad's 60th birthday. In honor of this, here are 60 things you should know about my Dad:
  1. He was born on a Thursday.
  2. His mother's name was Maureen.
  3. His father's name was Ted.
  4. His given name is William.
  5. He goes by Bill.
  6. We just call him Dad.
  7. He was the oldest of four children.
  8. His parents lived in the same house their entire lives - never moving once.
  9. He has always been a tease.
  10. He met my mother while he was at his girlfriend's house (although she will tell you he doesn't remember this).
  11. When he proposed to my mother he was so nervous, he accidentally said the wrong name. She said yes anyway.
  12. He was in the coast guard.
  13. He was the reason his parents got reactivated in the church.
  14. He taught himself computer programming long before anyone knew what that was.
  15. He has only had two jobs in the time I have known him (33+ years).
  16. He gets red cheeks when he is mad.
  17. He wears glasses.
  18. He is practically blind without his glasses. I get that from him.
  19. He loves to build things with his hands and is very good at it.
  20. He has loved to fish his entire life.
  21. He has a big, beautiful smile.
  22. He used to take me to Daddy/Daughter dances, and would always ring the doorbell like a proper date.
  23. He always got me a corsage, too.
  24. He even once learned how to square dance with me.
  25. He used to tease me as a child that I had "poo" on my nightgown. (It was Winnie the Pooh) and it always made me crazy.
  26. He is extremely tall (6'4").
  27. He has the thickest head of hair I've ever seen (besides my own).
  28. I get my curly hair from him, too.
  29. His biggest pet peeve is telephone solicitors.
  30. Once as a teenager, I fell and broke my arm while ice skating. When they called to have him come pick me up, he thought they were selling him something and hung up on them before they could tell him what had happened.
  31. They eventually called back and got through that they were DEFINITELY not selling something. He picked me up and felt really bad.
  32. He used to pull April Fool's jokes on us kids all the time.
  33. Like nailing my shoes to the floor.
  34. Or setting the alarm to go off at 11 o'clock at night and frantically telling me I'd slept in and was late for school.
  35. He makes a mean chipped beef on toast.
  36. He calls pancakes "hotcakes," (which sends my kids into fits of giggles every time).
  37. He graduated from college when he was 40 years old.
  38. When I was in high school, he crossed against a light and got hit by a truck. He was in the hospital for a while, and recovering for months.
  39. He is a true gentleman. He still opens the car door for my mother after all these years.
  40. When you ask him what he wants for his birthday, he always says, "socks and garments."
  41. I make it a point to never buy him either one.
  42. He has 11 grandchildren.
  43. And one on the way (no, not me).
  44. He ADORES his grandchildren.
  45. He spends hours pushing them on the swings or digging with them in the sandbox.
  46. Yes, on his knees. In the dirt. Every time.
  47. He was the Bishop when I got baptized and interviewed me for my baptism, which I thought was pretty darn cool.
  48. My kids call him Tickle Monster.
  49. He never comes without a present in-hand for the kids.
  50. He is the strong, quiet type.
  51. He loves the Lord and has served in the church faithfully his entire life.
  52. He totally grilled my husband when Josh asked permission to marry me.
  53. I never expected him to do that, but felt loved and protected because of it.
  54. He is very OCD and likes order and symmetry (yet another trait I can attribute to him).
  55. He has helped us move more times than I'd like to admit.
  56. And he did it cheerfully every time.
  57. He can do anything. I truly believe that.
  58. He is a good man.
  59. He is my Dad.
  60. I'll love him forever.