Getting my sexy on at the store

Yesterday morning while browsing the toilet paper aisle at Sam's Club, I was hit on.

By a man. Yes, really.

No, I was not wearing a ski mask.

No, he was not obviously mentally challenged, unlike this time.

A man approached me and we started talking. He was tall, fit, in his 40s, had a full head of hair, and was pretty attractive. He told me his name was Mike. Asked me all kinds of questions about myself - where I was from, what I do for work, where I work out, what religion I am, how many kids I have. The conversation veered around all sorts of strange and wandering topics.

It was an annoyingly lengthy conversation. I kept looking around, thinking we'd part ways soon, but he kept at it with the questions. Finally, all topics exhausted, he asked for my phone number.

Now, mind you, I had told him of my three beautiful children, and my strong, virile husband (okay, maybe didn't mention the strong, virile part) but he was fully aware of my current marital status. I laughed, told him thanks, but no thanks.

He persisted.

"But are you REALLY happily married? REALLY?"

Even when he told me how he wished I was single because I was GORGEOUS (I'm really not making this up, he actually said that), I was not the least bit tempted. I only have eyes for one man, and that's Colin Firth The Husband.

So I smiled, wished him good luck on his lady-finding quest, and walked away.

There were several obvious red flags with this man, even if I was single. First, what is he doing at the grocery store in the middle of the day instead of being at work? And not only was he at the grocery store, but he was hitting on women at the grocery store. Not to mention the fact that he wasn't the least bit bothered by trying to seduce me out of my marriage. Clearly, this would not be a good guy to hook up with.

But the point of this is that SOMEONE HIT ON ME. Maybe it happens to you all the time, but it never happens to me.

It made my whole day.

And I ran right out to the car, called the husband at work, and bragged and laughed through the story that could have begun my wild affair.

So now for a few weeks, when I go out shopping, I will feel a little less like this:

And more like this:

Yay me.

Flirting over the canned peas and macaroni

Today I was strolling up and down the aisles of my local grocery store. I kept meeting the same person in the middle of each aisle. Every time I passed this man, he smiled up and me and said, "Hello, pretty lady."

Which, thanks to my most thoughtful son telling me all that is wrong with my fine self, I was needing today.

With each passing aisle, and each passing compliment, my self-esteem soared. See, McKay, SEE? Strangers tell me I'm pretty. I can't be ALL THAT bad.

But our little game ended when I heard him say the exact same thing to another store patron. Sadly, it was not a trim, cute soccer mom that drew his attentions away from me. It was a balding, elderly man wearing a pink shirt.

Next time our carts passed, I eyed him more carefully.

He is mentally challenged.

And I, unfortunately, am still ugly.