Things that are really annoying me today

1. The children are home from school today, which leaves me little time for blogging and stare-at-the-wall-alone-time. The nerve of those teachers thinking they need to go to conferences in order to teach better. I think you learn by doing. You want to teach well? Then teach my kids all year long. Saturdays and Sundays even. I PROMISE you'll learn a lot.
   
   
2. It is cold and rainy outside. Which every mother knows is a yet-to-be-proven law of physics that means my children will have more energy than ten college students strung out on speed and mountain dew.
   
   
3. The oldest of my children answered the door early this morning and let in the man from Geek Squad. Who was here for an appointment that I was supposed to cancel, but didn't because I forgot. The oldest child then led him through the maze of dirty socks and Legos to where I was on the treadmill in the basement. Imagine the feeling of looking up and seeing a strange man in your house at nine in the morning, when all you are expecting to see is naked children running around with light sabers.
   
   
4. I then got the privilege of writing a check to the strange man from the Geek Squad for doing nothing but seeing me in my smelly, ugly exercise clothes. Because apparently they have a policy that you pay anyway unless you cancel your appointment. That policy sucks, by the way (but probably not as much as seeing me in my exercise outfit does).
   
   
5. The toothless elderly man from next door has called no less than 13 times today. I am choosing not to answer because I am sure he and his wife are calling to either salvage my unrepentant soul and drag me off to another Bible Camp or invite me and my three children to a local tea house full of breakable porcelain kitties and dolls. Both of which are the EXACT opposite of where I want to spend any free time (and both of which are where I have been invited by them at least 13 times).
   
   
6. The oldest of my children gave me another rare treat today when he knocked on the bathroom door (as I was showering) and informed me that Mr. Toothless Elderly Man From Next Door was on the phone. HELLO, CHILDREN! THIS IS WHY WE HAVE CALLER ID!
   
   
7. I then got the privilege of calling Mr. Toothless Elderly Next Door Man back and making up yet another excuse for why we can't all go antiquing today in a town that is two hours away.
   
   
8. My hair. I'm serious. We are in a hair crisis of epic proportions. I am so overdue for a haircut, it's ridiculous. I look like I have straw wands for hair. My ends are so split that some of them have split ends of their own. And I realize to some (DANIEL, for one) that this does not constitute a real problem. And some of you may say that this is an easily solved crisis, but it remains one that I can't fix today. When it's bugging me. Which only serves to make me more annoyed.
   
   
9. The caramel apples I so foolishly bought at Sam's Club yesterday have been SCREAMING at me from the pantry to come and eat them. Why do I buy such tempting treats when I know that Halloween is right around the corner? WHY?
   
   
10. And finally, I am so fed up with the fact that Meredith Grey does not jump into McDreamy's arms and beg him to marry her and have lots of babies. Because it's what I would do. Except that I already did. Like 13 years ago. And now I have those babies. And they're loud, annoying, and leading strangers through the house early in the morning. Okay. Maybe I"m not so annoyed with her after all. Maybe I really GET her.

His, mine, and ours

His idea of good decorating:

Mine:

His bag:

Mine:

His side of the bed:

Mine:

His essential beauty regimen:

Mine:

His shoes:

Mine:

His breakfast of choice:

Mine:

His ideal movie night:

Mine:

His source for news and current events:

Mine:

It's true what they say - opposites do attract. And while he may say po-taw-to and I say poh-tay-toh, we do have a few things in common that we share:

Like our love for this:

This:

This:

And right now, THIS:

GO SOX!

All we can do

I interrupt my regularly scheduled sarcasm and bad writing to ask for your prayers on behalf of the good people in San Diego.

Due to the massive and uncontrollable fires, the area where we used to live has been evacuated. Schools have been closed. Good friends and family have been ordered to leave their homes. I can't imagine looking around my house and trying to decide what was important enough to take, and what I felt I could live without should my house burn to the ground.

Please pray that these fires can be contained. And pray that nobody else gets hurt.

Back to reality

I am out of the sick bed. Took the entire day yesterday and did nothing but sleep. It would have been absolutely lovely except for the minor annoyance of feeling like I poured acid down my throat and beat my head with a hammer. You know, except for that.

So I learned a few things taking a sick day; thought I'd share them:

1. Laundry doesn't do itself.
2. Ditto for the dishes, bathrooms, and floors.
3. When I am dying a slow and painful death, I won't care what state my house is in.
4. When I feel slightly better, I will be very annoyed at the mess.
5. I somehow always get sick when the Husband is out of town.
6. There is NOTHING of value on the telly during the daytime. Nothing.
7. Eggo waffles make an excellent breakfast AND dinner for the children. [But then again, I already knew that.]
8. I will only make the mistake of forgetting to turn the phone off once. Pity the poor survey taker who woke me up yesterday afternoon.
9. When opening my bedroom windows for some fresh air, it is a good idea to remember to close them once it starts pouring rain. The soggy carpet will not be a treat.
10. Waking up to a ton of well-wishes on the blog makes me happy. Gracias to you, all my bloggy friends.

P.S. I am NOT, I repeat, NOT pregnant. But thanks for asking.

sick day

I cannot deny it any longer. I am sick.

I am achy, all stuffed up, and have a raw sore throat. As the mother in this family, I NEVER get sick. I am not allowed to be sick.

Today I am declaring myself sick and crawling back under the covers. [Right after I finish blogging about how sick I am, of course.]

See you tomorrow.

[Don't do any great blogging while I'm away.]

Martha Stewart has nothing on me

Halloween is a holiday that gets kind of overlooked in our house. Part of the reason for this is that I am married to Scrooge McScroogey Pants (Yes, that is his legal name on holidays. The man actually told our kids three years ago that the Easter Bunny doesn't exist. For no other reason but that he thinks it's lame to lie about a bunny that brings candy on Easter. I get that. Sort of. But he has been threatened to never see certain parts of my body naked again should he go telling them LIES about a certain someone that DOES come in December. Oh, yes he does. Right down the chimney, reindeer waiting on the roof and everything. Ahem.)

Anyway, we don't do much around here for Halloween. We go trick-or-treating, attend the token church Halloween party, but that's about it. Personally, I have a love/hate relationship with Halloween for one simple reason: The candy. I can't keep my hands off it. And it can't keep itself off my thighs. So Halloween and I don't necessarily see eye to eye.

But the one traditional Halloween thing that I do every year is make these spider web cookies (which unfortunately don't help when it comes to the matter of my magnetic thighs). Nevertheless, they are super easy and look really cool.

Here's what you do:

Take your favorite sugar cookie recipe. And instead of spending hours rolling the dough flat, cutting shapes with cookie cutters, and essentially having flour all over every crevice in your kitchen, make little dough balls and flatten them with your hands. Shhh. Don't tell Martha. It works just as good and takes half the time.

Then mix up the frosting glaze before you bake your cookies. I cannot stress this enough. The cookies will not work if you don't frost them right out of the oven.

For the glaze:

2 3/4 cup powdered sugar

2 tsp. shortening

3 Tbsp. water

1 Tbsp. corn syrup

1/4 tsp. vanilla

Beat all ingredients well. Separate about 3/4 cup of the glaze into another bowl and add desired food coloring. Put the colored glaze into a pastry bag with a small writing tip.

Now, when your cookies are RIGHT out of the oven - and I mean piping hot - take a few off the tray and begin frosting them with the non-colored glaze (I leave the rest on the tray to keep them warm until I frost them). Pipe the colored glaze in a bulls eye like this:

Then take a toothpick (or BBQ skewer in my case) and start in the center of the bulls eye and lightly draw lines going to the edge of the cookie. Repeat all around for spiderweb effect. [Hint: I never put the next batch of cookies in the oven until I have decorated the first. You HAVE to do this when the cookies are warm, otherwise the glaze doesn't melt on the cookies and they will look dumb. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.]

Stick in a few [hopefully lead-free] plastic spiders and VOILA! A Halloween treat. From my heart to yours. Enjoy.