"Me likey these super cool green goggles. They go so well with my ruffled peasant shirt and my sporty reversible vest. These will look super good when I go out at recess with my friends and we do handstands on the back fence in our dresses." (Yes, that is what I did. We always loved it when the truck drivers would honk. YIKES).
"I don't get why all the girls my age want to dress up for Halloween and be dumb princesses or fairies. I think one can best draw positive attention by cross dressing as a homeless person. That is a surefire way NOT to get teased in the easily-forgiven world that is fifth grade."
"Oh my gawsh. Like how much longer do I like have to spend with my FAMILY looking at these stupid airplanes? I like SOOO have to get out of here and get home cause maybe a Boy called and like I might miss it. Plus, I've totally got this new Erasure tape that I can't wait to put in my boom box and listen to while I think about ways to make my hair like more bigger and more crunchier. Plus, all this like fresh air is like totally making my bangs go FLAT."
"Man, it only took me two hours in the bathroom to get my hair this big and I am lovin' it. And I am so glad I figured out that wearing a sofa pattern as a shirt is like so RAD. I mean, big, floral prints don't make you look wide at all. Wait! Don't take the picture yet. I don't have enough lipstick on. Somebody hand me some Wet-n-Wild, STAT! Okay. I'm ready. Hurry, okay? Cause like 90210 starts in like 30 minutes and I so need to find out if Donna and David are finally going to do it."
So there you have it...me in my finest moments. I share these with you only to illustrate JUST HOW ATTRACTIVE I AM NOW, people. I have come a long way. And no, I don't do handstands in dresses anymore. And I do spend a lot of time in the bathroom, only it's making sure my hair is neither big, nor crunchy.
And yes, I still think I'm like totally awesome.