Some helpful hints for the contractor working on my basement

  1. When you say that you are coming - it is a good to idea to actually come. You know, cause we're kind of paying you and all.
  2. If you do not tell me you are coming, there is a good chance I will not be home when you actually do decide to stop by. See number one for questions about this.
  3. If you spent as much time actually working in the basement as you do revising your invoice for us, this job might even get done before Hannah turns 23.
  4. No, I will not pick up your supplies at Home Depot. Me, three kids, and a mile-long list? Not gonna happen.
  5. My name is not now, nor has it ever been, "Chrissy." I do not resemble Suzanne Summers. I do not have blond pigtails. I do not live with Jack and Janet. Please do not call me that anymore. I loathe being called Chrissy. There's a big, fat T in the middle of my name for a reason.
  6. When you spill a whole lot of drywall mud on the carpet, then dump a bunch of water on the carpet to rinse it out, trust me when I tell you that I will notice.
  7. I do not know the difference between metal and wood studs. I do not care about the difference between metal and wood studs. Just put what needs to be put in without a 20-minute explanation for me and the children.
  8. Yes, you can use the bathroom.
  9. No, you do not need to ask EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
  10. When you ask to borrow my vacuum (after you have sanded off big chunks of drywall), do not be surprised that you will blow out the belt.
  11. Do not sheepishly come ask me for a new vacuum belt. You shouldn't have used my vacuum in the first place. You need to bring a shop vac with you next time. You know, cause you're doing construction work and all that.
  12. And finally, for the love of all that is holy, please wear a shirt when walking through my kitchen. EWW. Very big EWW.