On manhood...

/
"It's okay, Mom, I'm responsible. I'm turning into a man now," said McKay when discussing with me whether or not he would remember to bring his bat home from the baseball game.


[See, I don't like to take it because I'm afraid it will get mixed up with someone else's, and we'll never see it again.]

I had to remind him to grab the bat after the game.

Which proves once and for all that HE IS TRULY becoming a man.

midnight worries

/
Ever crawl into bed exhausted, and your mind STARTS GOING A MILE A MINUTE AND YOU JUST CAN'T TURN IT OFF? Why do we mothers do this to ourselves? Here are some of the things running through my head last night that prevented me from falling asleep until about one o'clock a.m.:

  • Did my kids feel loved today?
  • What time is the spring concert on Thursday?
  • Why did I eat all those STUPID cookies?
  • Will I survive the dental visits next week in which all my childhood fillings are replaced?
  • Am I getting sick?
  • My allergies seem really bad right now. Should I see someone here for that?
  • I wonder what time my meeting is tomorrow.
  • What day is my turn for treats at baseball?
  • Does Josh have any clean shirts for work?
  • How can I make reading more fun for Chase?
  • Why DID I eat that?
  • Maisy, Maisy, Maisy.
  • I hope my toe doesn't hurt too bad to run.
  • I don't know what I'll do if I can't run.
  • Running is my sole physical release. I. MUST. RUN.
  • Should I do laundry tomorrow or the next day?
  • I should have done the laundry today. I won't be home all day tomorrow.
  • I wish I didn't have the theme song from "Maisy" in my head. I HATE that song. Maisy, Maisy, Maisy - Maisy - Mouse!
  • Seriously.
  • Which house should we buy?
  • How will we know it's the house?
  • How will the kids survive this move?
  • Was I patient enough with the kids today?
  • Is my cell phone charged? Is the kids' phone charged?
  • I wonder if I have time tomorrow to run to Michael's. Gotta get that new job chart finished.
  • When will I have time tomorrow to make dinner?
  • Maybe we should have pizza for dinner tomorrow.
  • Did I close the garage door?
  • Did I lock the back door?
  • What was that noise?
  • What if I die in my sleep tonight?
  • What if someone breaks into the house and kills only me because I'm awake and could identify them?
  • What if I have cancer and I don't know it?
  • Wonder if the sun is coming up somewhere in the world right now.
  • Maybe I should get up and have a bath.
  • Are the kids covered up? It might be cold tonight. They'll probably get in bed with us if they're not covered up.
  • Did we set the alarm clock?

Don't you just hate these kinds of nights? I don't have them very often, thank goodness. I don't know how I'd survive without my sleep. Hopefully tonight I'll be so tired that I'll crash right when my head hits the pillow...

Not trying very hard to clear his name

/
A conversation:

Me: Could it POSSIBLY be zippered into one of the sofa cushions?

Him: Hmm? Oh, are you still looking for that remote?

Me: You had it last; you have to help me find it. Will you help me open the sleeper sofa again and look?

Him: I don't miss the remote. I'm kind of glad we haven't been able to find it. It's nice not having t.v.

Me: Do you want to live to see your grandchildren?

Him: Okay, I'll lift it up again, you look.

Me: What about in our room? Did you take the remote in there on Wednesday? [when it was last seen]

Him: I don't know. How much longer do we have to look for this thing?

Me: What about in the mattress - could it have gotten shoved in there?

Him: I don't see how that could have happened. I mean, isn't that the place most men hide their magazines?

Me: [A sizzling glare...] What else did you do that night? Think - recreate the night in your mind. Did you go to the bathroom and accidentally flush it, and you're just not telling me because you're embarrassed?

Him: No, I would have laughed really hard if that happened.

Me: [More glares]. What about snacks? Did you eat anything while I was gone on Wednesday? Maybe you took it down to the kitchen.

Him: Maybe. Ooh, I'm kind of hungry now that you mention it. Is there any more of that trail mix left?

Me: Oh, YOU WILL NOT BE EATING ANYTHING until we find this stupid remote.

Him: You know, I did have my computer out. Maybe it fell into my work bag.

Me: [30 seconds later, I'm looking in his bag and I find the damn remote] YOU ARE SO RETARDED. Have you not looked in here the last three days?

Him: Yeah, I kind of had to shove my computer down in there the last few days. Guess that was it.

Me: You guess that was it? Oh, you are so not watching any C-SPAN tonight.

Him: Sure, fine, whatever. Now how about that trail mix, woman?

My only consolation is that at least I get the ten dollars. And some new Grey's Anatomy.

At the scene of the crime...

/
Our t.v. remote has gone missing.

And not just hiding-under-the-couch-cushions-missing, but gone without a trace. Now for some, this might not be a big deal. For our house, it's huge. Sure, we can still watch t.v., but who wants to watch live t.v. anymore? I have been so spoiled by the DVR that I can't bear to sit through one minute of commercials. We TIVO everything and watch it commercial-free. Unfortunately, without the remote, the pre-recorded shows are inaccessible.

Josh was the last one to see the remote alive (which means we all blame him). He has become the primary suspect. We are gathering evidence for our case, but have little to convict him with unless we find a body.

He just might be sent to jail anyway. After all, it was a new Grey's last night, and I HAVE TO WATCH IT.

There is a reward being offered now of ten dollars for anyone who finds it. Yes, it is that important. My kids have been brought up right - they'll do ANYTHING for a buck. And ten bucks? Let's just say that trash has been gone through, and it wasn't by me.

If you have any information on the whereabouts of our remote, please send it my way. I know we'd all appreciate it (most especially Josh).