A letter

Dear She-Coach of the Little League Atlanta Braves,

First of all, let me commend you for your genuine interest in your son's baseball team. It is great to see any parent putting their time and energy into - not only their kids - but other people's kids as well.

And whilst I am congratulating you on your fantastic example for the rest of us, let me remind you that this is in fact LITTLE LEAGUE, and not the frickin' World Series. It is okay if your players strike out. It is okay if they miss the ball now and then. These minor mishaps will not send them on a downward spiral that ends in homelessness and alcoholism. It is just a game, and they are children, after all. I am sure that screaming at them will not bring good results (unless the results you want are tears and stressed out nine-year-olds).

In regards to your bitterness towards our coach - he was randomly assigned the Cubs team name by the league (which you wanted). He decided to keep the Cubs name, in spite of your temper-tantrum. Please, in the name of all holy baseball saints, stop throwing fits when you play our team. We are not cheaters; we do not strive to con umpires into narrow strike zones. We do not illegally seek to end games early because we are winning (unlike someone YOU might know). We are simply trying to teach our kids about being good sports, playing a fair game, and having a good time.

If you can do these few things for me, I promise to stop being so happy inside when our team KNOCKS THE SOCKS OFF YOURS.

Thanks, and much love,