A letter

Dear Animal Living in the Tree in my Front Yard:

I understand the inability you wild animals have of toileting like us humans. I respect our differences, but must you litter my mailbox in this manner? And must it be EVERY DAMN DAY? I am really getting tired of using my bills to scrape your dried-up feces off the mailbox. I mean, those bills probably ought to be used in the manner in which god intended them (such as coasters for my glass of diet coke).

So if you could find it in your heart to scoot your little bum over about eight inches to either side of the mailbox, I would be most grateful. Grateful enough to, say, not throw rocks at you while I'm waiting for the kindergarten bus.

Much love,